A blog is no substitute for a journal, and a journal is no diary.  In a journal you lay it all out on the line, turn yourself inside out.  You don’t bother with recording the weather or life events.  You record where your head is at in that very moment your pen scratches paper or your fingers tap the keys.

Like this old, old journal entry I found, which I’m rewriting here to fit where I’m at today:

So I should start journaling again. At least that’s what my head keeps telling me. Journaling and praying and getting in touch with myself and my God. Where am I, why am I, and how do I respond to this place I’m in right now? I want back the zing, the excitement, the sense of adventure I’ve felt in the past when I made important life decisions that launched me into adventures.

Whenever I’ve made big changes in my life, I felt shed of all burdens. I was able to say screw you, and let all the burdens go. As time goes on, though, you take them all up again. The new life becomes not so new anymore. Laziness and routine set in.

So what can I do about it? What are my goals?

• Lose weight and eat healthy
• Finish A Bull by The Horns
• Finish my next Street Stories novel

No, what is it I really want? What do I think will make me happy?

I’d like to not worry about my goals, just enjoy and create. I can’t write when I feel burdened. I want to let it go, let it all go and just let myself relax and go with the flow. Come on, Deb, just go with the flow.

Maybe blogging is my substitute for journals.  Maybe instead of pouring it all out into spiral bound notebooks for my grandchildren to find in the attic after I’m dead and gone, I’m laying it out in public, here, to friends and strangers alike.  Ooh, risky! So maybe I’m already doing what I want and should stop worrying about it.  What do you think?