Focus

I really thought I would be so fired up by my attendance at the PNWA writer’s conference last weekend that I would be all business-like and writerly as a result.  Get all kinds of writing done.  In fact, I’ve found almost the opposite is true.  I do definitely have an underlying drive nagging at me.  Persistence is more important even than talent.  Develop good writing habits.  Set word count goals.  Tons of other good advice and pep talks that I listened to at the conference.  Is there such a thing as a writing hangover?  My energy feels drained, misdirected.

I used to think of myself as an unorganized person.  And in a way, I am.  But I’m also a person who works best when she has a structure in place.  At my day job, I am a great believer in using Outlook tasks to group, sort, prioritize and keep track of the projects I need to complete.  When I leave the office at the end of the day, I make sure items not completed are moved to the task list for the following day and my desk is clear of clutter so I can start the next day ready to jump right in and start ticking off those To Do boxes.

In my writing, however, I struggle between “what needs to happen next” and just opening up the dam of creativity to produce content. I’ve outlined a few scenes for my new novel that move the plot forward, but seem to struggle to actually write the scenes themselves.  It’s almost as if the conference, which has heightened my awareness that writing is a business and that persistence is what pays, has my mind geared into business mode. The cog spokes are stuck and I’m having a hard time greasing them.

I lack focus.  I’ve done some submitting, I’ve done a little writing, I’ve done a little networking.  I’ve done a little bit of lots of things related to writing.  Are those things me procrastinating?  Or are they small persistent steps toward a larger goal?  I honestly don’t know.  What is my goal and is what I’m doing set to achieve that?  Even this post meanders more than it muses.  By trying to force this post into an organized, logical communication I am actually feeding my overly bloated, structured self and stifling my creativity.

But at least I’m writing.

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