A Story Start Game: Suicide Shack

Rundown_Shack

I’m going to try a little experiment here.  Below is the first page from a story I started many years ago.  I have lots of story starts like this that could potentially turn into completed works.  But should they be?  What do you think about this one?  Yay or Nay?  Would you read on? Why or why not?

It was raining again when Laura finally made it to the shed.  Salt met with salt as raindrops mingled in her tears.  She stopped inside the doorway, taking deep breaths that rasped in the darkness.  The knife was in her hands, the newly sharpened blade no longer folded into the metal.  Following some instinct, she moved deeper in as if to be swallowed in the dark night.  She found a heap of rags beneath her as she slid to the floor.

Then a hand reached through the night to close over her mouth and a powerful arm pinned her to the wall.  A stab of fear pierced through her, relieving her previous anguish.

“Don’t scream,” a male voice warned. “If I let go, will you promise not to scream?”

Scream?  Why should she scream?  The fear was gone now.  A bolt of lightning lit up the interior of the rundown shack through its one broken window.  She caught a glimpse of the man’s profile before darkness descended again.  She nodded in agreement and the grip on her slowly loosened.

Laura’s shoulders slumped and she curled into a fetal position on the bed of rags.  The scents of must and oil and decay filled her lungs as she took in a shuddering breath.  Silent tears started again.

“Are you crazy or something?” the stranger hissed.

“Will you kill me?”  Laura wrapped her knuckles tighter around the hilt of the knife, but turned the blade inward, not toward her attacker.

“Why the hell would I kill you?  What have you got there?  What are you—”

He grabbed her wrist as she slashed through the thin  silk of her nightgown, but the blade slit skin despite his efforts to stop her.  She kept furiously stabbing until his stronger fingers took the weapon away.  After that, all she could do was pound on her body with her fists and sob.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “A Story Start Game: Suicide Shack

  1. Eliminate first paragraph entirely and the word “then” in the second, and substiture Sara’s for “her.” Take it from there.

Your comments:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s